mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
