i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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