I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
