wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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