Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
