At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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