You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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