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It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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