i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
