woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
