there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
