I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
