Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
