You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
that may or may not have been my penis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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