M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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