I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
