did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
