This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So many bounce houses so little time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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