If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm getting married
To pizza
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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