Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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