i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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