Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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