Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We don't watch enough power rangers
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
