i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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