He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
