they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just pee around me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
