Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
