im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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