party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
