true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
