My room smells like vodka and shame
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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