I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
