you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
