your room smells of hookers.
And success
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
