Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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