i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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