cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
