Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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