Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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