You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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