I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
