im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
