you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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