A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
