it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
