i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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