Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
