Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
