I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
