Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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