Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
