Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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