I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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