he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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