He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
