he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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