his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
