She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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