party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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