i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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