There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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