she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
third nipple confirmed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
