You made me cry and you don't even care
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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