Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
