She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
