wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
