well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
