how can u be prego again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
